and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
