I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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