Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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