Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
