You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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