Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
