he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize