What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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