You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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