I can tuck mytits in my pants
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I intend to get homeless drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
