what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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