hotel room ftw
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
