k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he fucked my hip out of place.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
