I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
