this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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