Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
