Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
