I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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