Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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