I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
