Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
