I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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