I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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