What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
