1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
