bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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