Your dad touched me again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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