My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
