I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
