also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize