The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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