I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
