I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
