he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can't talk, ducks in the car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
