grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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