Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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