dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
