Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
