"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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