Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
