Your tits are I can't wait for
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
