Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
