remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
