Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was like eating out sand paper
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
