I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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