ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
