you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
