Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
