i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
