Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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