he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
jump out the window naked night went bad
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
