i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
