guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We left the knife in your bed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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