Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
