You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize