is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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