I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
