My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
