She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
