The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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