i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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