"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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