I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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