So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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