Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
