your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
