he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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