When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
