im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have fence marks all over my body
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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