I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
