well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
