i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
