So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize