my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
