Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
