I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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