I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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