I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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