Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
