Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
