My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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