we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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