i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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