After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my poor anus
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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