I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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