you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
