Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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