you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
