just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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