dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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