im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
