put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I won the penis lottery.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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