girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
