apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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