Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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