R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
